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Saturday, January 14, 2023
Losing Heart...For A Moment
I've lived in "Christianity" for my whole life. Much of that has been a blessing. I've had the privilege of growing up in a faith community that values unity in the body of Christ and the process of transformation that true grace invites us into. There have been many lessons along the way, but we have been so open to God's leading that it has largely been a delight. Not perfect...but precious regardless.
I've experienced a loss of heart of late though. One that contributed to such anger, followed by depression...and a loss of hope.
The last few years...years of increasing polarization...have led to so much disappointment. A disappointment in the Church.
* I'm so tired of elitist, consumer, comfort-driven Christianity. Oh my...these people have lost sight of the mission, their neighbor, the lost...the movement of Jesus. They seem more focused on numbers, figures, entertainment, prestige...and they do enough "good" to feel like it's all the right way of doing things. Good show=good church. Their rights and their wants are supreme. Unfortunately, they can't handle the tough work of faith. They cast out the struggling, and they shame anyone who rocks the boat or messes with their "safe", self-serving life. Just ick.
* I'm so tired of Christian nationalism. Love your country? Fine...but never more than God's kingdom and His love for the world. Have a heart for your government to be moral and righteous? Great...but never equate God's politics to yours. Jesus isn't a Republican any more than He's a Democrat. Spiritualizing politicians...claiming they are making America into God's chosen country on earth...creates a sick elitism that serves nothing but self-interest. I've seen these people justify sin for the larger goal of "Christian" political domination. It's disgusting..."How to Eat your Young" 101.
* I'm so tired of "Old Covenant" Christianity. Most just don't know, and I so want to figure out how to tell them someday. Regardless, there are some tough implications to deal with, especially in how they relate to the world. These people lead with focus on sin, hell, wrath, and judgment. They define themselves as sinners, sinners saved by grace...unworthy of His forgiveness and love...ever confessing, ever earning. Unfortunately, there are some in this context, in this constant state of self-deprecation because of a misunderstanding of true grace, who only know how to share rigidity and hatred with their own brothers and sisters and with the world. They live in fear and shame, putting God and all kinds of rules very much in their own controlled boxes.
AND I'M JUST SO DONE.
I know that God so loves the world...but I'm so tired of being disappointed by my fellow Christians. I'm tired of cleaning up after them. I'm tired of helping others heal after dealing with them. I'm tired of association.
Oh, hey...I know I'm not perfect either. I'm just frustrated with the messes. Frustrated to the degree that I've experience a "dark night of the soul". God told me there's a way through though, and I thank Him for it. He is showing me more and more what I can be "for" as opposed to focusing so much on what/who I am "against". Make it so, Lord...because I just can't take it anymore.
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